Stage Definitions


 Eternity
 The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line
 
 Prop
 A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30 seconds
 before it is needed on stage
 
 Director
 The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is
 responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the
 local review
 
 Blocking
 The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to
 collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each
 other. Similar to playing chess, except that the pawns want to argue
 with you.
 
 Blocking Rehearsal
 A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors
 frantically write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by
 opening night
 
 Quality Theater
 Any show with which you were directly involved
 
 Turkey
 Every show with which you were not directly involved
 
 Dress rehearsal
 Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to
 maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that
 evening
 
 Tech week
 The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be
 done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches
 its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer
 pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known
 as hell week.
 
 Set
 An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the
 laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to
 occupy the same amount of space
 
 Monologue
 That shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is
 desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him
 
 Dark Night
 The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors
 and crew can go home and get some well-deserved rest, and instead
 spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're
 sure they needed one more rehearsal
 
 Bit Part
 An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody
 else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest
 part in the show.
 
 Green Room
 Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the
 precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter
 that night, a situation which can result in justifiable homicide
 
 Dark Spot
 An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably
 forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the
 first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.
 
 Hands
 Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's
 environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal
 size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in
 your pockets.
 
  Stage Manager
 Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set
 changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a
 hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided to turn
 his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks while he
 serves the tea.
 
 Lighting Director
 Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of
 the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a
 play-by-play of everything that's going wrong
 
 Stage Crew
 Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute
 stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of
 mindless panic